Changing the Heart and Healing the Head
by Mishy1824
Summary: After Morgana fell down the stairs and Merlin heals her he explains everything to her and reveals his magic to her in an effort to save her from her dark destiny. "Morgana I love you so much." "No, no, please Merlin live for me."
1. Chapter 1

I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

I am doing this out of pure boredom and love for the series

Please Review

* * *

><p>Merlin had just finished the spell that would heal the head wound that was afflicting Camelots 'one-day' greatest enemy. While he was relieved that she was okay, he was also regretting his decision to save her.<p>

Merlin sank into the chair next to the bed that the witch was occupying and covered his face. Immediately his thoughts jumped into over drive as he finally came to terms with what he just did. See he was regretting saving her because he knew that it would be for nothing when he had to kill her because she is just going to run off with that dreadful sister of hers and leave _him_-them behind to lick the wounds of her betrayal.

But at the same time he was rejoicing in the fact that the secret princess would live. The reason for his guilty happiness wasn't simple as it would seem. No it wasn't because that prat of a prince would stop beating him with a shiny metal stick out of frustration, or the maid that had sat next to her ailing mistresses bed for the last week hoping for a miracle, or the kings mourning cries at the loss of his loving ward and secret daughter, no it was because he was selfish.

Oh, yes, Merlin was definitely a very selfish man (despite his other redeeming qualities)and a damn good liar when he needed to be. Hell he was so good at it that he could almost make himself believe the lies, all he has to do is deny everything that pops into his head that would make him feel guilty about whatever it was that he had lied about. Like when he denied that he was going to see the beauty when Arthur caught him sneaking up to her room with flowers, or when he denied his feelings for her when he watched her pretty green eyes widen in panic as she realized that he had poisoned her, or when he denied that he missed her to Gaius all those nights that she was gone with Morgause, and when he denied that he loved her as he watched her as she slept on in her coma. But now he felt that he couldn't deny what was obvious anymore, everyone that knew him could see that she meant more to the servant than he wanted them to know. And now he was going against every warning about the woman just to save her because he couldn't let her die when he had the power to save her. He knew that by doing so he just sentenced many people to death yet he couldn't help himself and that was selfish of him.

Soon Merlin was saying everything that he had wanted to say to her from the beginning. That the first time that he laid eyes on her she took his breath away, that when he seen her in that maroon dress he wanted to ogle her forever. He told her of all the times she visited his dreams and how he missed her when she was gone, and how he wanted to kiss her when they found her. He begged her to forgive him for poisoning her and he told her why he did it. He pleaded for her to understand that he never wanted to harm her because of her magic and he cried for her to open her eyes for him. For an hour he sobbed and held her hand until he sensed the old physician approaching their shared chambers. He schooled himself and by the time Gaius had entered and left again the servant was once again full of denial.

Merlin was berating himself for his lapse in his control over the emotions that he held for the lady that was lying comatose on the hard patient bed, when her delicate eyelashes began to flutter.

Morgana POV

Everything that was around her was dark, she couldn't see anything, and she felt like she was floating in midair. She tried to feel around her but it seemed that her body refused to move. The only sense that wasn't stripped from her in the darkness was her ability to hear.

She heard lots of things things that confused her, things that angered her, things that saddened her, and things that made her feel guilty. She found out that she was Uthers daughter and that angered her but it was the things that confused her that she kept thinking about. Many of those things came from a voice she would recognize anywhere, Merlin.

She listened to him as he fussed about her and how he would save her, and she listened to him sob to her about how he didn't want this to happen. But what truly caught her was when she was forced to listen to him spill all of his feelings out to her. He told her that she took his breath away and that he was head over heals for her and how when they finally found her after a year he wanted nothing but to kiss her senseless. This confused her because this was the same person that had tried to kill her via poison, but she listened on and he kept talking.

He started to plead with her by telling her that he never wanted her dead because of her magic and he begged her to forgive him.

Well that was a new one she thought bitterly. She thought that he tried to kill her because he thought that it was her that caste the spell to make everyone sleep. Then he began to explain why he did it so she listed to his words.

"_Morgana_," he whispered into her ear, "_I don't know if you know and if you don't then let me tell you. Your darling sister used you as the spells epicenter and that is why you were not effected. In order to end the spell I had to kill you so I poisoned you. When Morgause realized what I had done and confronted me I struck a deal and promised to tell her what poison I used if she stopped the attack on Camelot_."

She didn't know that Morgause did that or how Merlin knew that. She didn't have long to reflect because he continued only this time he was crying.

"_Morgana, please forgive me for what I did. It was the hardest thing I've ever done and I live everyday in regret of what I did. Even if you can't forgive me please don't hurt Arthur or Camelot. Please Gana I'm so sorry for everything please wake up, please Gana I need you to wake up because...because I-I-(Hic)-I l-l-love y-you and I don't w-want to loose you again._"

After that she heard him sniffle and sob for a while before it was silent then she heard someone enter that she realized was Gaius when he told Merlin to eat the she heard the man leave.

Soon Morgana began to have feeling back in her body. She felt heavy and her head hurt and all she wanted to do was open her eyes. She discovered that she was able to do so as her eyelids began to twitch and flutter open. She had to blink a few times before everything was clear to her. She looked around for a second before letting her eyes fall on the man that had his face in his hands, he had yet to notice her.

He said that he loved me but how can I believe him when he tried to kill me She thought before deciding to take the dark haired male out of his misery.

"Merlin," she rasped groggily to get his attention and it worked like a charm because he snapped his head up from his hands so fast she could of sworn she heard the distinct pop of his neck joints.

"Morgana," he replied as his surprised baby blue eyes settled on her spring green ones, "your awake."

"Duh," she said rudely but noted the relief and wariness in his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept properly in a few days, his eyes had purple bags under them and his hair was disheveled. There was evidence of him crying because of the red webs in his eyes and the tear stains on his cheeks. All in all he looked like shit and secretly Morgana wondered if it was because of her.

"I need to get Gaius, the king, and Arthur. I guess Gwen too. Bye." He blurted as he stood quickly and ran from the room. Almost like he didn't want to be there, Morgana noted that as well.

Merlin POV

Merlin did as he was supposed to do and found Gaius, who immediately took off towards their chambers, and then went to inform the king and Prince Prat. On his way to the council room he passed Gwen who he exclaimed the good news to. She was ecstatic about it and followed in Gaius's footsteps and took off to go to her mistresses side.

After everyone was informed and Merlin's work was done he decided that the best course of action was to ignore the chambers altogether and find a place to hide and sulk. Of course he ended up in the secret room in the library where his nose was buried in the book he was reading. But like every good hiding spot he was found three hours later by Gaius who thought it wise to inform him that Morgana was taken to her own chambers and that he should come back to the room and eat something. He decided to not fight it and gave in to the old mans concern and followed him back to the chambers for dinner.


	2. Chapter 2

I DO NOT OWN MERLIN

I am doing this out of pure boredom and love for the series

Please Review

* * *

><p><em>That fucking bitch<em> Merlin snarled in his mind as he made his way down the corridor. Morgana had just been able to avoid him for the third time that day and it was pissing him off to no end. One moment she was going to Gaius to seek him out and the next she was running and hiding in her room to avoid him. It was like a dance and he was tired of this damned dance of hers.

_Ugh now I'm late bringing the fat ass his lunch_ Merlin knew that when he finally got back to Arthur's chamber the prat was gonna do nothing but chew him out, probably throw him in the stocks tomorrow. It would be worth it though when he cornered Morgana in her chambers tonight.

Oh yes that was his plan. He was going to go straight to her chambers after he is finished with Arthur, and if she decides to lock her doors he'll tear them down, even if he reveals his magic to her in the process. Though he was already planning on doing just that and to be honest that damned dragon can go stuff it. But right now Merlin had things to do like take the dollop head his lunch, clean his armor, and pick up around his room, again.

Merlin sighed heavily before rethinking his plans for the night. It brought a sadistic smile to his face that he wore as he walked all the way back to the princes chambers with a cart full of food.

"Morganaaaaa, open the dooooooor," Merlin sang as he once again asked her to let him in. Why she had to be so damned impossible, he didn't have a clue but it was really annoying. Luckily for her he was a patient man and didn't tear her door right off the hinges with his magic.

"No, I already told you to go away and not talk to me."

"Thats not what Gaius said. He told me that you came to our chambers earlier asking for me," Merlin literally wanted to scream at this point. He has been sitting outside her door for over two hours now and he was quite sure Uther and Arthur were asleep by now and the guards that roamed the halls had yet to make their rounds on this specific corridor, so he could just bust her door in if he wanted. He thought it would be better if she would actually let him in, buuuut since she was being so difficult he decided that he didn't give a damn and through his patience out the window.

"Go away!"

"Fine then, but remember you made me do this," he voiced before letting his magic flow through him as he directed it towards the door with a spell. After a seconds hesitation the door flew open and the first thing Merlin seen was Morganas shocked face.

"You-you have m-ma-magic," she sputtered in astonishment.

"Well, duh. That is what I have been trying to tell you for, I don't know, a week now," if it wasn't a serious situation Merlin would have laughed at the look on her pretty face. After a minute of staring at each other, Merlin shook his head and waved his hand and the door closed.

"I-I...You...What?"

"Yes, I know, amazing isn't it. Now if we can actually talk for a minute i'll be out of your hair in a jiffy," he smiled at her all innocent like as if he didn't just break more than one law then motioned for her to sit at the small table.

"Uhhhh...Oooookay," she agreed and sat down mystified.

"Good, first question do you remember hearing anything from when you were in your coma?"

"Yes, I heard Uther admit that he is my real father, if thats what your asking," she sniffed at him but he could tell that she wasn't telling it all.

"Anything else, like I don't know...Anything that I might of said," he was nervous because he had admitted his feelings to her comatose state.

"Hmm...Yes I do recall something, about my sister I believe," she was beating around the bush...again.

"Morgana please don't make this any harder than it needs to be."

"Fine, yes I do I remember you pleading, begging, and crying for me, and even saying that you love me. Goddess Merlin you're no fun at all," Merlin's face flamed at her comment.

He huffed, crossed his arms, looked away from her, and leaned back in the chair that he was sitting in. When he finally composed himself he turned to look at her with a scowl on his face. That hurt for her to say it so casually and sarcastically, he really did love her and would do anything, but risk Arthur and Camelot, for her. He wanted her to understand this and understand why he had done what he did to her.

"Well, I guess you probably want an explanation for my actions and for blaming your sister for me having to commit that act," Merlin was starting to sweat, she was glaring daggers at him.

"Yes that would be nice."

"Well like I said, your sister used you as the epicenter of the sleep spell that effected everyone but you, her, and the knights of Medhir. The only way to stop the spell was to kill you or if she was to stop it herself and since she most definitely didn't want that I kind of had no choice," she opened her mouth as if she was fixing to yell at him but he cut her off.

"Now before you get all upset please hear me out, I have no choice in the matter of protecting Arthur and Camelot. I'm like his personal magical guardian of sorts. The druids call me Emyrs the most powerful warlock to ever exist...Supposedly Arthur is to become a great king and restore magic to the land and I have to guide him to the throne. I couldn't do that if your sister killed him now could I," he raised his eyebrows as if to challenge her.

"No, I suppose not...but I'm not just going to forgive you for poisoning me. You could have just told me what was happening, I might have taken it willingly if you had. And Merlin I don't...Uhh...well like you the same way you like me. Please try not to pursue me as a potential lover...plus if Uther or Arthur found out you be strung up faster than if you had just used magic right in front of them."

"Yeah, but don't worry I'm quite used to denying those feelings. It doesn't make them go away though and i'll probably always be fond of you, Morgana, thats something that I can't help. You truly are beautiful in both personality and body. But if you just want to be friends, or less than that, its fine I can handle it. Just remember that I'm here for you," He smiled sadly.

"Alright, well, its late sooooo...Goodnight," she murmured and motioned to the door that he had opened with his magic twenty minutes before.

"Right. Goodnight Morgana," and like that he was out the door and heading back to his own chambers.

_Tonight_ he thought as he laid his head on his pillow _I will sleep like a babe in his mothers arms _

And he did, the best sleep he's had in weeks to be exact. But his short term relief didn't last, as he knew it wouldn't.


End file.
